Augustus VS Denny

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Happy birthday, Denny. I guess.

Happy birthday, Denny. I guess.

Close your legs, Denny. Gentleman keep their paws crossed at all times.

Close your legs, Denny. Gentleman keep their paws crossed at all times.

May 2
Check it: mix water and dirt and something awesome happens.  Augustus envies my innovation and my class He gets lost under his own blanket. That cretin.

Check it: mix water and dirt and something awesome happens. Augustus envies my innovation and my class He gets lost under his own blanket. That cretin.

Augustus: Just had a good work out. Really blasted my pecks today. Gotta refuel with some muscle milk. Muscles impress all the bitches you know…But I like to start out with some hard cardio, a little cat chasing, squirrel hunting, the usual. You have to remember to stretch though. Stretch out those hammies.

Augustus: Just had a good work out. Really blasted my pecks today. Gotta refuel with some muscle milk. Muscles impress all the bitches you know…But I like to start out with some hard cardio, a little cat chasing, squirrel hunting, the usual. You have to remember to stretch though. Stretch out those hammies.

Augustus: “You know…I’m way more than just a nice pair of legs, lungs and tongue. I have feelings too.”

Augustus: “You know…I’m way more than just a nice pair of legs, lungs and tongue. I have feelings too.”

Journals are for adults, diaries are for kids.

*Ahem* Denny. *Ahem*

My girlfriend just dumped me for a longer-haired shepherd mix because “he’s more agile” and “he still has his balls”. I lost my job because my shit-eating addiction was discovered by my supervisor after she came looking for me in the bathroom when I exceeded my 15 minute break. I’m getting evicted from my dog kennel because my landlord thinks I’m a danger to the furniture-particularly the bed-in this (cheaply) furnished efficiency. And the exclusive “Doggie Daycare” club I frequent used to always usher me past the red rope, until today when I was denied entry. Apparently, I’ve lost my “puppyish good looks”. Ugh. Fetal position. Effective immediately until…WHAT? TREAT??!?!? GIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMME!!!!!!!!!!!

My girlfriend just dumped me for a longer-haired shepherd mix because “he’s more agile” and “he still has his balls”. I lost my job because my shit-eating addiction was discovered by my supervisor after she came looking for me in the bathroom when I exceeded my 15 minute break. I’m getting evicted from my dog kennel because my landlord thinks I’m a danger to the furniture-particularly the bed-in this (cheaply) furnished efficiency. And the exclusive “Doggie Daycare” club I frequent used to always usher me past the red rope, until today when I was denied entry. Apparently, I’ve lost my “puppyish good looks”. Ugh. Fetal position. Effective immediately until…WHAT? TREAT??!?!? GIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMME!!!!!!!!!!!

Denny’s Diary

Dear Diary,

I swear to God, diary.  If my human blames another fart on me, I may go all rabid Ol’ Yeller on him.  It’s bad enough they have to parade me around on a Gentle Leader, like I am some kind of Husky.  Sorry, that was small minded.  Not all Huskies are bad, but then again stereotypes happen for a reason.   

Went to the new dog park this past weekend.  Pretty diverse crowd, which I suppose is nice.  Could do without all the Poodles though.  As if they’re too good for a butt sniff.

Until Next Time
-D  

A haiku by Denny:

Don’t eat string or rope.
It’s a bitch to digest them.
The dingleberries.

Sooooooooo hungover.

Sooooooooo hungover.